Unlike [...]]]> After 30 months of agonizing preparation, countless prayers and the support of many who stood by me and helped me, I am now in a new house. I am thrilled for the fresh start in a place untainted by difficult memories, many brought on by the death of my mate and companion of 40 years.

Unlike the last move we made together in 2002, this one has brought me joy and thanks to God despite the fact that I’m now alone. The contrast between the two situations is so stark that I repost the following article written at that time as a reminder that hard times don’t last forever.

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“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving’s timeless thoughts bestow significance on a year succinctly characterized by a single word: tears.

Grueling and punishing, these past 12 months have slowly ground down both my enthusiasm and confidence. And like bogeymen lurking in the shadows, tears have flung themselves upon me at inopportune times.

Tears when our son moved out, a dramatic severing of the bonds of childhood with our last living offspring.

Tears upon leaving my employer–and the acquaintances–of 32 years. Another long-term kinship terminated to follow a shorter path.

Tears over relocating from our home of 20 years. Apart from physical complications, tearing ourselves out of intimate, familiar surroundings repeatedly inflicted emotional trauma. For there childhoods grew up and away, there the messenger of death called for our daughter, there gentle animal companions loved us and suffered and died.

Tears when gremlins of health conspired to plague us. Tears when the winds of favorable circumstances and relationships blew contrary. Tears when wrong prevailed–without rectification. Tears when dreams died but bitter disappointment flourished.

I don’t deny the power of tears. They have oft driven me to that secret place where one goes when there seems nowhere else to turn: to prayer. “When a man is at his wits’ end,” confides Oswald Chambers, “it is not a cowardly thing to pray….”

But though cowardly moments wilt my resolve, a Bible verse (Luke 18:1) blossoms with healing insight. “Now He [Jesus] was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart.” When tears have bid heart to flee, prayer has shut the door.

For a brief interlude, tears have quitted. But knowing neither calendar nor clock, they will knock again in the night. And when they do, may their silent but compelling sincerity gain the ear of God alone who hears and answers prayer. For by our tears, He somehow waters the tiny seeds of hope growing deep within our hearts.

May that be sufficient and satisfy.

TO HIM ALONE WHO ANSWERS PRAYER

‘Tis God’s desire that we should pray and not lose heart
But cry to Him continually and have a part
In giving wings unto His plans from day to day
For bringing comfort to His own without delay.

For who can move the heart of Him who has the pow’r
To intervene and stay the loss of darkest hour?
‘Tis not the soul that’s never sunk into despair–
But ’tis the one whose only hope is answered prayer.

He prays the best who has the most to gain or lose
Through circumstances that he might not ever choose.
And by his tears to God alone who answers prayer,
The seeds of hope within his heart are watered there.

(Based on Luke 18:1-8)

Copyright 2002 James McAlister

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I have found, however, a few truly useful rules for successful living–but [...]]]> Throughout my school years I had to memorize numerous rules I never completely understood. For example, why must I lie down instead of lay down for a nap? But there is a grammatical rule that governs such statements even if I don’t know it.

I have found, however, a few truly useful rules for successful living–but they just don’t seem right. In fact, they appear at first glance to be flat out wrong because they conflict with our “common sense.”

THE FIRST ONE OVER THE FINISH LINE DOES NOT WIN THE PRIZE

In a race, the winner is the one who gets to the finish line first–unless he’s disqualified for an infraction of the rules. Rules are important, and we need to understand them.

Who was the strong man, David or Goliath? Goliath, of course, who stood taller than nine feet and had been a warrior since his youth. His opponent? A mere shepherd boy who couldn’t even wear a man’s armor. But Goliath’s bulk and formidable array of weaponry proved no match for David’s confidence, inspired and backed up by the name of the Lord God of Hosts. If bets had been taken that day, they would all have been on the strong man who lost. “The race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong.” (Eccl 9:11).

So if the first one over the finish line doesn’t win the prize, then who does? “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial, for once he has been approved (by God), he will receive the crown of life….” (James 1:12). Eternal prizes go to those who persevere despite obstacles and sidetracks. There are no shortcuts to maturity, and neither strength nor speed decide the winner.

PERFECT CONDITIONS DO NOT YIELD FRUIT

Perfect conditions seldom occur, and “he who watches the wind does not sow, and he who watches the clouds does not reap.” (Eccl 11:10). If we wait until conditions are “just right,” we won’t ever attempt anything.

When the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, they were led by God into the wilderness where they were three days without water. When the water they finally found at Marah was bitter, great complaints arose against Moses. Moses cried out to God, and following His instructions, tossed a certain tree into the water, causing the bitter water to become sweet. (Exodus 15:22-27).

Thus satisfied, sustained and nourished with sweet water, the people moved on. They camped next at Elim, an excellent spot with 12 wells of water and 70 palm trees. What could have been better? But the great work of God was done at the bitter waters; there is no miracle recorded at Elim, where conditions were perfect.

Out of the hard spots in life grow powerful testimonies, towering strength, clear insight. Perfect conditions don’t produce that kind of fruit.

BEING RIGHT IS NOT ENOUGH

Stated differently, the truth is never sufficient in itself. We do need to be right and have a firm grip on truth–but there’s more.

On occasion I assemble the ingredients for a chocolate pie on my counter. Tasted individually, however, they are disgusting. Bitter cocoa powder, chalky flour–and there’s no way I’d eat a raw egg! But in the proper proportions and cooked for the right amount of time, the result is really quite tasty.

I’ve been around numerous churches and individuals who were right in their teaching and doctrine, but they had neither significant influence nor power. Why not? An essential ingredient was missing from the mix.

Paul explains this way: “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.” (Ephesians 4:14-15, emphasis added). Truth does not prevail unless mixed with love.

In evaluating my various roles in life–husband, father, grandfather, teacher, leader–I draw one conclusion: I’ve been right a lot more times than I’ve been effective.

I’ve preached too much and prayed too little, loved too little, had too little compassion, overlooked too few wrongs done to me, forgiven too little. Indeed I was right–yet ineffective. Truth doesn’t stand alone.

The important rules that govern our lives are sometimes veiled in darkness.  But God waits to throw back the shutters and flood us with light–if we’ll ask Him. (James 1:5).

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My ability to concentrate on “creative” sorts of things is slowly returning back to more of a “normal” state. I do understand that the loss [...]]]> It’s been a year since I sent out one of my regular newsletters, so I thought I might give you a brief update as several have inquired about how I’m doing.

My ability to concentrate on “creative” sorts of things is slowly returning back to more of a “normal” state. I do understand that the loss of such ability is common among people who have suffered a great loss in their lives.

Otherwise, I’m doing well. I still try to visit the fitness center five or six times a week, and on many evenings when the weather permits, I also walk out by the river. This activity has helped both physical and mental well being. And I’m continuing with the Spanish lessons and try to work on them some every day.

One of the most important things I do is to drive to Benton two mornings a week to stay with Jackson, who is surely the world’s most intelligent, funny, helpful, winsome, etc., etc., 27-month-old grandson. We sit in the floor and build with his blocks, play with his cars–and read the books that his Gramma Mary read to his daddy when he was a little boy. I enjoy this time immensely. Jackson’s mom, Brandi, has a morning job at First Assembly of God, and his dad, Barrett, now works at Landers Chrysler Jeep Dodge. He loves the work (which would terrify me), but car sales are at a 27-year low. I pray a lot that business would increase. They moved into their own house last year and have worked so hard to make it into a pleasant home.

For those who may be interested, I have moved all the content from my old web site to this new format because it gives me more flexibility in categorizing and classifying the material so that it can be located and searched. I do hope to occasionally post articles in the coming months. I’ll let regular subscribers to the old newsletter know when there’s new content–and you can also subscribe by email at the top of the page.  The categories I’ve assigned to the articles here need a lot of work. There are too many of them, too many  unclassified–and they need a lot of refinement. But at least the content is here, including poems and songs that weren’t on the old site. And the audio messages are better organized and descriptive.

My health is good. In addition to healthy eating (usually), I am taking a new nutritional supplement that has given me more energy than at any time in my recollection. Unfortunately, however, I have started making chocolate pies for special occasions, and those conspire against all of my noble efforts to eat right.

I do, of course, continue to miss Mary. The empty house is exceedingly lonely at times but without the darkness that I once felt. I do need to move to a smaller place but don’t yet have any clarification about “what’s next.” So I’ll stay put until I can see more clearly when and where to move. Until then, I have at least half of this house closed off and hardly ever enter those areas. I have spent what seems like countless hours in trying to deal with the aftermath of death and get rid of things I won’t need in the future. The process of adjustment has seemed exceedingly slow and painful, but today, the second anniversary of her death, I can see how far I have really come.

May God bless you all for your prayers and concerns.

These courses stress the [...]]]> I’ve been learning Spanish with a number of courses that I have purchased and downloaded over the internet. These are audio-based courses, which means that I can listen the lessons in the car, at the fitness center, etc., rather than have to sit in front of a computer.

These courses stress the ability to recognize and speak Spanish by listening to and emulating the speech of native (Latin American) speakers. This is how we all learned as children.

The courses vary in quality and content, but if you want to follow some of the paths I’ve taken, here are my recommendations among those I’ve tried and the order in which I take them now.

Synergy Spanish ($67) is the one that I’d start with. Though it’s the least “professional” in audio quality, I like the way that it builds Spanish skills around just 138 words. I was quite surprised at how much I learned in a short time. There is a good handbook that goes with the course.

Rocket Spanish Level 1 ($100) is the best documented course, and the audio quality is excellent. In addition to three written guides (basic grammar, advanced grammar, and conversation), there are also a vocabulary game, printable flash cards and bonus audio lessons.

Rocket Spanish Level 2 ($100) Follow-up course to the Level 1 above.

Learning Spanish Like Crazy (Level 1) ($100) is the one that I’m working through now. Written documentation is limited to the transcripts of the conversations, and some study in external sources is needed to understand what’s being done. But it covers a number of topics the others do not (such as speaking about the past), and there are quite a few extras that can be downloaded. There is also a help forum on the internet.

Shortcut To Spanish ($30) is a short course built around “cognates,” Spanish words that sound a lot like their English equivalents. The thought is that we may already know more Spanish words that we think if we can just recognize the patterns.

Though you can actually buy CD’s of these courses (much more expensive), I opted for the instant download of the MP3 files. I burn the files onto CD’s myself as well as load them onto my MP3 player for portability for maximum flexibility. I also print hard copies of the electronic manuals (PDF files) that can also be downloaded.

Finally, they all offer a few sample lessons as a trial, and you might want to try them out just to be sure. They all offer a money back guarantee, and I exercised that in one case without any trouble. I had ordered through Clickbank (one of the options) and paid with a credit card but doubt if that approach made any difference.

I didn’t find anything objectionable enough to detract from the quality of any of courses.

If you have any questions, you can contact me.

Hasta luego!

DREAMS

Late at night they skitter Through my mind on velvet paws. Silent, it seems, to elude my grasp, But I sense them crouching in the shadows— Waiting to pounce.

They often seek, I think, Some occasion to linger And boldly whisper hints Of “incredible” and “impossible”: Of what might [...]]]> On the healing of both body and soul. This is the poem mentioned in the message:

DREAMS

Late at night they skitter
Through my mind on velvet paws.
Silent, it seems, to elude my grasp,
But I sense them crouching in the shadows—
Waiting to pounce.

They often seek, I think,
Some occasion to linger
And boldly whisper hints
Of “incredible” and “impossible”:
Of what might be, should Strength
And Circumstance both smile on me with favor.

Then if Morning shoos them off
With stern persuasions of “Not today,”
Nighttime faithfully beckons them to whisper once again,
“But there is yet tomorrow.”

Copyright 2007 James McAlister  Listen here

Fathers go to work when they don’t want to, [...]]]> I write this on the eve of Father’s Day–my first as a grandfather and my son’s first as a father. Thus I evaluate fatherhood by my own experience, both failure and success, and offer a few characteristics of the ideal father I wish I had better exhibited:

Fathers go to work when they don’t want to, listen when they need to, and sacrifice when they ought to.

Fathers love their families without responding to unlovely attitudes or actions. And they endeavor to live in such a way that they don’t have to regret their own words and deeds.

Fathers cry tenderly over sick pets, bury them when they die–and comfort their grieving children. And fathers who have suffered the loss of a child or a mate struggle to rebuild normal lives despite the overwhelming emptiness and seeming unfairness.

Fathers laugh at children’s jokes that aren’t funny–and sputter to keep a straight face when children’s serious efforts go humorously awry. They embrace a child’s crude, handmade Valentine as if it were a Rembrandt.

Quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, father’s discipline in love but never ridicule or embarrass.

Fathers say “I was wrong” more often than “You were wrong.” They easily confess their own mistakes and give their best efforts to straighten them out. Fathers generously sprinkle “I love you” and I’m proud of you” into their conversations.

Fathers readily tear down their own dreams to build up their children’s. And they remain faithful to their flock despite the lure of “greener pastures.”

Fathers learn to do important stuff like toss balls, dash through sprinklers and lie on the driveway to gaze at the stars. They bend low to kiss away hurts and wipe away tears. They weep at graduations and weddings, realizing how quickly their children have grown up and away.

Rather than “stuff,” fathers give better gifts to their children: patience, humility, honor, truth and duty. And they understand that respect must be earned, not demanded.

Fathers know that they may be the only visible earthly example their families will every see of an invisible heavenly Father. And they eventually realize that their greatest battles will be won on their knees, not by their bank accounts.

Fathers grow into the men their mothers dreamed they’d be.

And when results just don’t seem to come and discouragement sets in, I offer this letter from my son. A reminder of how the seeds a father sows early on may unexpectedly bloom in a different season, he graciously overlooks failure but overstates success:

“I considered what I should get you for Father’s Day but couldn’t think of anything that you would really want or need. Then I thought of something I have never given you: the respect and gratitude that you deserve. So let me thank you for all the things I have never said ‘thank you’ for:

“For being the man who took me to the hardware store on Saturday mornings to buy gum. For being the man who never missed one of my ball games, made the most of the practices and even helped coach.

“For being the man who took off work every summer to take me to BMA Camp. For being the man who was on camping trips even when no other father was.

“For being the man who every day before work was on his knees in prayer for me.

“For being the man who is always willing to offer but never forcing wisdom. “For being the man who never said, “I told you so” when I didn’t take the advice I should have.

“For being the man who freely gave me all that you had, even when I didn’t thank you.

“For being the man who is the most constant example of a Christian I have ever known. For being the man who made decisions that Mom or I never had to worry about being right or wrong.

“Thank you, Dad, for being a father who had always gone above and beyond the call of duty and never complained. You are the best role model that I could hope for, and I hope that one day I can be half the man you didn’t have to be.

“Thank you for being my dad.”

Fatherhood is more of a possession to be won than a position bestowed, an honor tempered by its share of setbacks and disappointments, a crown unfit for the fainthearted or unwilling.

Copyright 2007 James McAlister

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