At a meeting some time ago, we were afforded a sort of hazy glimpse into the shadows of the past and those who congregate there. The years have changed a lot of things.
Certainly we had all aged, some more gracefully than others. Remarkably, memories of bygone days, both their hurts and joys, seemed to have been tempered by time. One person, for example, has carried a reputation of being somewhat eccentric. Instead, we discovered one who had endured much physical pain. The fruit produced by suffering takes many forms, some easily mistaken for something else. Even eccentricity.
And in the invisible web of experiences that loosely knit us together, there's communication that goes beyond words. We were, after all, members of the same group, and ties of shared experience are the strongest kind.
But like the ripples that move out from the center of a splash in ever-widening concentric rings, there are different levels of relationships. Those beyond the first ring simply don't resonate with the same intensity as those nearest the center even though affected by the same disturbances. Their involvement is secondary, receiving only what has already passed through the inner circle.
Thus those further from the center are compelled to embrace much by vicarious experience. What eventually reaches them has lost much of the sparkle of intimacy and vibrancy that titillates those in the inner circle. The ripple motion is still there, but not the power.
By some sort of invisible magnetism, those who have certain possessions or positions or abilities seem to find themselves drawn into the inner circle. Others are often edged to the fringes in the process.
One reader told me what happened when she asked about attending a particular gathering. With sensitivity about as deep as a saucepan, a stern rebuff came from one of "the group": "No. I've always wanted to be part of this group. Now that I am, I don't want to jeopardize my position."
Certainly not everyone can be a part of any group he or she might want to be in. We all understand that. But the reasons for including or excluding are what cause the hurts.
We left our meeting with many confirmations that we were not in the inner circle. No matter. We all have our own unique experiences–and the circles of influence that go with them. It brings little satisfaction to look at others and assume we would be happier if we were closer to them, had what they have, or were more like them.
We should take upon ourselves the responsibility for monitoring the circles that naturally emanate out from us. Can we keep from arbitrarily or maliciously excluding those who may need our friendship? It will make a difference–with us and with them.
Copyright 2000 James McAlister
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