"Thank you so much for the Bible; it will be something to remember you by in the future. The meal was delicious, too. Thank you for your prayers and visits, and may God truly bless each of you."
"We want to thank you for our lovely coat rack. We love wood in the natural color that shows the grain. We would love to have you two over any time, as you are always welcome. Thanks again for the gift and the thoughts."
"I got the book that you sent through the mail. I scanned it quickly and got excited just thinking about it. Thanks again; I appreciate it."
"We really enjoyed the sweet fellowship with you both. The food was delicious, too. Thank you for inviting us. We love you both".
"I just wanted to thank you again for the precious outfit for the baby. She wore it on the plane, and everyone wanted to know where it was from. We will always remember your sweet and kind spirit. Write when you can; we would love to hear from you."
"We sure do appreciate your thoughtfulness during the difficult time in our lives. It has really meant a lot to me for you to be so considerate in so many ways."
"It's been a long time since we last communicated. A lot has happened here, and a letter from me is long overdue. I think of you often, but please forgive me for not writing until now."
Smooth and gentle, these vignettes of everyday family life are from notes we have received. Some go back 25 years. But the seemingly happy individuals who wrote them somehow wandered into the jaws of the same trap…and then it suddenly snapped shut.
What is the common thread? All of those involved are now divorced. Long-standing relationships have been severed, strewing bitterness like dust in a whirlwind.
A friend in another state just told us that her marriage of 30-plus years is dissolving. A new flame, it seems, has mesmerized her husband. And like a moth drawn to a candle, he's in an ever-tightening orbit, oblivious to the death just a wing-beat away. The children are devastated.
And the note writers? I recall subtle indicators of trouble ahead. Dare I mention a few?
Public complaints about private irritations. Too much familiarity with co-workers or friends of the opposite sex. Diversion of precious family time to hobbies and sports. More attention to careers than to children and family relationships. Lack of patience and understanding over unavoidable circumstances. And so on.
They seemed so harmless, but such small seeds of discontent were being strewn here and there as we interacted. Cultivated over the years, a bitter crop inevitably came in.
With the wreckage of families in a heap before us, we may ponder, "I wonder what went wrong?" And it would be so easy to overlook the little, unattended details that eventually caused so great a collapse in others' lives… and miss them in our own.
Copyright 1999 James McAlister
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